Watching
by puzzlemistress
Summary: Victor finds Yuri at the skating rink before a competition to see him skating his Stay Close to Me routine to ease his nerves


Victor watched from a distance as Yuri skated to the center of the rink. He knew to go to the rink when he woke up in the middle of the night in an empty bed. The competition was scheduled for next week was stressing about his performance. He always skates or eats when he becomes anxious. When Victor didn't see any food wrappers in the trash can or dishes in the sink he took his best guess at the rink. What surprised Victor even more that Yuri wasn't skating his routine but doing a copy of Victor's past routine Stay Close to Me. No matter how many times he watched Yuri skate, it always caused butterflies to swarm his stomach. Each leap over the ice caused his heart to stop only to be soothed by his landing. After several minutes of watching his beloved skate he walked to the wall of the rink to get a closer view. Yuri didn't notice his boyfriend until he finished the routine. Taking the ear pieces out of his ears he skated to Victor was standing.

"I could watch you skate for the rest of my life and I would never get bored."

"Why are you up so early?" Yuri cradled his right hand, kissing the gold ring on Victor's finger.

"I woke up at two in the morning to an empty and the keys to the rink missing from the tree."

"You know me too well moya lyubov."

"What's wrong Yuri? You only ever perform my old routines when you're upset about something."

"I-It's just my anxiety I guess."

"Bull crap and you know it."

"I-i don-n't…"

"Yes you do," Victor took Yuri's right hand and pecked kisses on his matching ring.

After several moments of soft kisses and silence, Yuri found the words to speak.

"What if I mess up again?"  
"You haven't failed Yuri. What are you talking about?"

"What if I fail as a skater? What if I make a mistake like last year? What if I-I don't make it to the Grand Prix and win?"

"Yuri…"

"No Victor! I just keep replaying every fall, every shortcoming, every possible way this can go wrong in my head repeatedly. Even over the smallest things like forgetting things at the store for you. Every argument we have gotten into you…"

Victor moved to step on the ice and held Yuri firmly at arm's length.

"Keep going. Let it out."

"Y-your perfect Victor and I wonder why you're with a screw up like me. Even after coming in second place I still think so little of myself. I wanted to have you kiss that gold medal and keep fighting to win. You are Victor f-ing Nikiforov. One of the greatest male figure skaters of modern history. You have people falling at your feet just to be noticed by you. You could be with anyone in the world and you pick me. Wh-why? I-I just don't understand."

"Yuri breathe."

Victor's voice deepened, commanding Yuri's attention. Gripping Victor's forearms he tried to catch his quicken breath.

"Yuri focus on breathing and copy me okay. I don't want you to have a panic attack and you collapse. Neither of us want that."

Yuri squeezes Victor's arms with death grip as tears pricked his eyes. His body began to tremble as the hot tears caused his vision to blur. He could feel his lungs being crush as if it was in a shedder. Each gasp of air he tried to inhale caused his chest to burn.

"Yuri focus on me. My love, please look into my eyes," Victor tilted his head to try to look Yuri in the eye.

Yuri's wobbly knees buckled, causing him to kneel on the ice, still clingy in Victor's arms to brace himself. A loud scream erupted from his throat as tears landed on the ice. Victor began to slightly panic himself as he watched Yuri unravel before him. He's never been good at people crying. He sort blamed Yakov for this problem since he wasn't good with his students crying. He knew that he couldn't have a repeat of what happened in China. All he could do was gently sink to his knees, still keeping Yuri at arm's length.

"Yuri, look at me please."

Yuri slowly raised his head, his eye swollen from crying, his damp with salty tears.

"I know you're having a panic attack. I know you're going through a lot of emotions. I know it feels like your drowning but I promise you're not. I promise you that you're safe. Nothing that comes in this room is going to hurt you. I swear on my life nothing is going to hurt you or happen to you. I need you to talk to me so I can help. I wanna make those tears disappear Yuri, but you have to calm down enough to tell me what you need."

Yuri gave out one last mangled scream before burying is head in Victor's chest. His immediate encircled Yuri trimmed waist but noticed it felt smaller than normal. Yuri sobbed into his chest he carefully reached for his hip and crept under his shirt to feel his slightly boney waist.

"You haven't been eating haven't you."

His sobs volume expanded as he smashed his fist weakly against Victor's legs.

"Oh, Yuri I didn't know. I-I should have known that you weren't eating. I-I...my Yuri..."

"Vic it'-it' no-not you-ur fault. I-I knew yo-you're going to-to no-notice if I was e-eating too much so I-I just made it… come back up after dinner."

"Yuri why didn't you say something.I would have helped you. I would have held you as tightly as I could and do anything I could think of to fix this. I-I should of-"

"Victor please s-stop."

Victor took a deep breath to calm himself as he continued to rub his back.

"I-I'm so sorry," he cradled his head to his neck, stroking his raven hair.

"I should be the one apologizing to you Vic," Yuri moved to look Victor in the eye.

"Yuri, why are you apologizing? What have you done wrong?"

"How can you sat that Victor?"

"Because you are dealing with a lot of different things. You deal with anxiety, depression, binge eating, and purging. You are allowed to feel the way you feel. It's okay to be in pain. It's not okay when you don't reach out to me when you are in pain."

Victor's held Yuri's face with his hands, stroking his cheek to wipe the tear stains.

"I-I should have told you. I-" his apology was stopped by Victor's lips.

"No more apologies. It's going to be okay. Now let's get you handsome self home, get you in a nice hot bath, I will make you the tastiest meal and spoon feed you and pamper you like the king you are. Can I do that my moya lyubov?"

With a teary nod, Yuri hugged Victor, mumbling a soft thank you. Victor carefully picked him up bridal style and carried him to the bench. Bending down he slowly untied his skates and put them away in his bag. The walked together hand in hand to the closest taxi to head to their apartment for the night.


End file.
